Betrayal Page 6

  He looked at me confused.

  “What’s wrong? Have I done something?”

  “Have you? I don’t know, you tell me.”

  “Come on in and have a cup of tea.”

  “No, I’d rather not. I’m not planning to be here that long.”

  “For goodness’ sake, please tell me what I’ve done, Beth.”

  I couldn’t believe that he was lying to me like this. I was getting angrier by the second.

  “You really don’t know?” Jason shook his head. “I’ve just had a phone call, telling me that you were spotted kissing some mystery girl!”

  His face changed instantly.

  “When?” he asked.

  “Today.”

  Then his face changed again this time in realisation over what I’d just said.

  I smiled to let him know that he had been caught.

  “Remember now, do you?”

  “No. I mean, yes, I do remember who you’re talking about; but no, it wasn’t like that. It’s been misconstrued.”

  “Yes, I thought you might say that.”

  “No, honestly. It wasn’t that type of kiss.”

  I lifted my eyes to the sky.

  “So, what was it, then; a friendly kiss?”

  “Yes. We’ve known each other for years, Beth.”

  “Oh, my god.” I put my hands to my head and began rubbing my temples. “What a pile of horseshit! I can’t believe you’re trying to get out of it with an excuse like that!”

  He grabbed my hands from my head, and started to pull me in closer. I pulled away from him.

  “Don’t you dare!” I growled.

  “Please, Beth. I haven’t done anything.”

  “You’re a liar!” I screamed. “I would have thought you’d have the decency to make up a better story than that! Obviously, I’m not worth anything to you.” I waited for his response. He just looked blankly back at me. “Just like I suspected, nothing.” I was about to turn away when he spoke; quieter this time.

  “Beth. I didn’t do anything, I promise.”

  I thought for a while. What if he was telling the truth? What if Russell hadn’t seen it properly? What if that girl was an old friend? My head was starting to pound again. There was too many “what-ifs” for it to be right.

  “I don’t care anymore. I can’t be with a liar, Jason. I’m sorry. It’s over.”

  I began to walk away, back to my car.

  “Bethenny! Please, can’t we talk about this? I swear, I haven’t done anything.”

  I looked at him behind me.

  “You’re beginning to sound like a stuck record. Just leave me alone.”

  I got in the car and drove off. Jason stood in the rear view mirror’s reflection.

  I didn’t know where I was going, so when I was far enough away, I stopped the car. Without warning, my body started shaking uncontrollably. I looked in the mirror. My eyes were red and the shaking was from me sobbing.

  I had to calm down. I couldn’t breathe. I thought that perhaps I would die. It would be easier. Maybe not for my family, but for me. I had to stop this. He just wasn’t worth it. I decided to get out the car and have a breath of fresh air. It seemed to do the trick.

  I got back in the car. My mobile started ringing. I picked it up and looked at the screen. It was Jason. I ignored it and went home.

  I felt exhausted. I walked into the kitchen to get myself a drink. As I did, I noticed from the corner of my eye that the light on the answering machine was flashing. Looking at the display, I saw that there were three messages. I pressed the button down to play them. The first one was from Sam asking me if I was OK. The second was from Jason asking me to, “Please ring him.”

  The third was from Russell. He wanted me to ring his mobile when I got in. I glanced at my watch. It was now 11. Was it too late to ring him now? I left it, just in case. I didn’t want to wake them up and there was no way that I was going to ring Jason. As far as I was concerned, it was over.

  I dragged myself up to bed with heat in my head from the fire in my stomach. Crashing into bed, I was asleep in seconds.

  The next morning I awoke with my face stained with tears. I had obviously been crying in my sleep. I was getting no rest, even in my dreams. With all my strength, I pulled myself out of bed to get ready for the day ahead. With a full day of work today, I had to gather all the stamina I could find. I did the best that I could with what I had. In the kitchen, I couldn’t face breakfast, so I had a drink of coffee and put a few sugars in it for good measure.

  At 10, I picked up my stuff for work and was about to go when the phone started ringing. I walked over to it and saw that I hadn’t deleted the messages from yesterday. I answered the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi Beth, It’s me.”

  “Jason, what do you want?”

  “Can we talk?”

  “No. I’ve got to go to work.”

  “Later, then?”

  “Look, I said all I wanted to say yesterday.”

  “Please, Bethenny; talk to me. I haven’t done anything.”

  “I have to go, Jason.”

  “Do you want me to beg?”

  “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.”

  I moved the phone from my ear. As I replaced the receiver, I could still hear him talking. God, I felt terrible. I sat down for a few minutes just to collect my thoughts and try to think straight again. Mrs. Johnson wouldn’t mind waiting a little.

  I went out determined not to bother myself with any of it. Leave your troubles at the door and all that. The sun was out at least. It shone its warmth on my face. This small thing made me feel a little better. I thought about ditching work today, but I knew I couldn’t let my ladies down. I carried on as I normally would have.

  When dinnertime arrived, I drove into town, which wasn’t far from where I had finished my last client. I popped into one of the shops to buy something to eat. Walking out again, I found I had a bit of time to waste before my next appointment. I decided to take a walk into town to look in some of the shops. Retail therapy was always the answer. I didn’t have any parties lined up, so buying normal clothes would have to do.

  I saw a number of items that I would have bought if I happened to be rich. Since I wasn’t, I settled for some stone-washed three-quarter-length jeans, a purple fitted top and a few accessories to match. Then I saw a coffee shop, so I walked over the road and went inside. The queue wasn’t too long, so I stood in line and waited. It was an inviting atmosphere, what with the smell of coffee and the oversized leather and fabric chairs all around. There were old-fashioned adverts for coffee hung on all four walls. Looking down at my feet, the flooring was terra cotta tile, which matched the décor perfectly.

  I walked up to the counter when it was my turn and asked for a large, half-fat mocha and waited. After being handed my drink, I walked out of the shop. On the way back to my car, I happened to look over the road and I saw Sam walking across the road to my side. She was waving her hands in the air, like she was some kind of crazy person. I took a wild guess that she was trying to get my attention. I walked up to her with a smile on my face.

  “Hiya, Sam.”

  “You alright? It’s just I heard off Russell what happened.”

  Her look was one of concern.

  “Yeah. I’m fine.” My smile didn't falter. That was all I needed. Sam holding a big bucket for my tears. Metaphorically speaking, of course. However much I loved her, she always made everything bigger than it had to be, so I just kept to my script.

  “Well, as long as you are. Please, Beth, if you need me let me know. Don’t just suffer in silence. OK?”

  “Yes, Sam. I will. Look, I’ve got to go now. I’ve got a client in 15 minutes. I’ll see you later.”

  I laid a big kiss on her cheek and left sharply. I actually didn’t have a client for another hour yet, but I had to get away. I had grown up with Sam. I knew how good she was at suspecting the truth and then getting it out of you.

&n
bsp; I sat in the car drinking my coffee. I tried to relax and blank out everything. Closing my eyes, I started to breathe in and out slowly. Feeling my chest rising and falling, my eyes fluttering every now and again and hearing my watch ticking away every second. Every noise from outside was floating in through my window.

  My mind started to wander. I wondered what Jason was doing right now. I thought about forgiving him for a second, but then I thought, Why should I? He did the wrong thing here, not me. He should be ringing me up, apologising. Not the other way around. Anyway, I was only thinking this because I had Sam and Russell in my head, and how loved-up they were all the time.

  At that moment my phone buzzed. I picked it up. I had received a text message. Pressing a button, I looked at who it was from. Russell. I began reading the message.

  Hi Beth, hope u don’t mind, I got ur number from Sam’s phone. I haven’t heard from u or Sam about u and what happened. So, I thought I wud text u 2 c if ur ok. Plz text bk so I no. Russ

  It was nice of him to be so worried about me. I texted him back.

  Hi, no I don’t mind u texting me. I’m ok. Honestly. Too busy to worry, anyway. Saw Sam earlier, in town. Plz don’t worry urself too much. Jason is not the be all and end all. Beth xx

  I wasn’t sure whether to put the kisses. In the end, I thought, what the hell. I always add them for all the other family members.

  Before I put my phone away, I saved his number in the contacts on my phone. Slipping it back in my bag, I looked at my watch and realised that I had to go.

  When I got home it was 6:30. I was exhausted so I jogged upstairs and ran a bath. Getting into the bath was lovely and relaxing. The feeling of the warm water against my skin was wonderful. I decided to dip my head all the way under. I stayed there for as long as I could. When I pushed my head back out again it felt like my lungs were going to burst. It was nice to have that release and it made my head go very light almost like I wasn’t really there. Almost as if I was in a dream. I absolutely loved these moments. When I was totally alone. Just my mind for company. Nothing else really mattered. Not Jason; not even Russell. It put everything back into perspective.

  Then the phone started to ring loudly in my ear. I reached over the edge of the tub for the phone and answered the call.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, it’s me.”

  Jason. Not the person I really wanted to speak to right now. I had already ignored about a million missed calls and text messages today. With a sigh, I begrudgingly answered him.

  “Hi.”

  “How are you?” he asked.

  “I’m OK, you?”

  I don’t think that he caught the tone in my voice.

  “I’d be better with you here. With me.”

  “Please, Jason; don’t start.”

  “I’m not. I just want you to see that I’ve not done anything.”

  “Except kiss another girl. I don’t think anyone would put up with that, do you?”

  “No, but in my defence, she was a friend and it wasn’t a passionate kiss. It was me just being friendly.”

  “Well, if that was you being friendly, then I hope to God that you never cheat on anybody.”

  “Come on, Beth. Please—it was nothing. I’ll take you to meet her, if you want.”

  “No, thank you. I think at the moment that could be the worse thing that you could offer.”

  “Look, Beth—I’m trying to make this better, that’s all.”

  “I don’t think you’re gonna be able to.”

  “Please don’t say that Beth. This has gone too far already.”

  I thought about it for a while. Maybe he was right. Maybe, just maybe, I had blown this out of proportion. Could I believe him? Perhaps I might have overreacted and finished things a little too prematurely. For some reason, Russell’s face popped into my mind’s eye. Why, I really don’t know. Then I was brought plummeting back down to earth when Jason started calling my name.

  “Beth, are you still there?”

  I suddenly realised that I hadn’t spoken a word for two or three minutes. Jason must have thought that I had put the phone down.

  “Oh… Yes, sorry. I was just thinking.”

  “Good. I thought you’d gone then for a second.”

  “No.”

  He must have realised that I wasn’t being so hard. That he was wearing me down.

  “What if I promise never to do anything like that again?”

  “I don’t know, Jason. I know to you it wasn’t much, but to me it was a really stupid thing to do at the beginning of a relationship.”

  “I see that now and if I’d known that then, I would never have done it. Beth?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Who told you?”

  “I’m not gonna tell you that, am I? Come on, be serious.”

  “OK, sorry. I just thought I would try and ask. You never know.”

  I giggled. He could be such an idiot sometimes. That was what I liked about him the most. He always came out with the stupidest statements.

  We carried on talking for a few minutes. The talking became easier. It was almost like all the past events hadn’t even happened, and that I could give him another chance. I did really like him and I had missed him.

  “Look, if you promise not to see that girl again, whoever she is, I don’t even want to know, then maybe we could try again.”

  “Hang on. What do you mean not see her ever again?”

  “What does that normally mean?”

  “I never said that I wouldn’t ever see her again. I mean, what if I happen to bump into her in the street?”

  “Obviously, you can’t help that. You just wouldn’t talk to her.”

  “Whoa. Wait a minute, Beth. I’m not gonna ignore all my friends so you can have peace of mind that I’m not doing anything. You have to have some trust in me. I meant that I wouldn’t kiss anyone again unless it was you, of course.”

  I listened in slight shock over what he was saying. In one breath he was giving me the earth, and in other he was taking it away again. What was he playing at? Was he trying to confuse me?

  “Jason. What do you think I am? A moron? I’m sorry, but I’m not going to have you talking to some woman that you obviously have or had feelings for. If you’re not willing to do that for me, then I guess we can’t be together after all.”

  “Come on, Beth. Be reasonable about this. You don’t honestly expect me to do that, do you?”

  “Yes, I do, and if you’re not prepared to do it, then maybe we shouldn’t be together.”

  “You’re not gonna budge, are you.”

  “No. I’m sorry, Jason, but I think that I’ve budged enough already. When I got up this morning you were finished to me. The problem of you didn’t even exist anymore. Now, I’m willing to give you another chance and you shove it back in my face!”

  “Beth, please!”

  “I can’t believe you’re still asking me the same thing! How many times do I have to say no, Jason?”

  “Why are you being such a bitch?”

  “Me? How dare you! Who do you think you are?”

  “Who do you think you are?”

  My face felt hot. My head felt like it was about to burst. I was fuming with him.

  “That’s it, forget it. I can’t believe I was gonna give you a second chance! Don’t bother to ring me again. Goodbye.”

  I slammed the phone down. I lifted my hands up in front of me; they were shaking violently. I got out of the tub, dried off, dressed, walked down into the living room and sat on the sofa. I felt a little overwhelmed and didn’t really know what to do. I just sat there, silent. Then I remembered the invitation that Sam had given me earlier. I jumped up, grabbed my keys and went out to the car. I drove ’round to Sam’s as quickly, but safely, as I could. It didn’t take long to get there and I was glad, really, as I wasn’t in the best state to be driving at all. I got out and almost ran up the
steps to their front door. I rang the bell, stood and waited.

  When the door opened, Russell was standing there.

  “Oh, hi. Is Sam here?”

  I must have sounded rude, but I was just taken aback as I was expecting Sam to open the door. I don’t know why.

  “No, sorry, Beth; she’s not. She’s out with some friends. Why, what’s the problem? Can I help?”

  I looked up at him and I started to cry. I don’t know why. I couldn’t help myself. I needed some sympathy and perhaps I knew that I would get it from Russell.

  “It’s OK. Thanks anyway, I’ll speak to her tomorrow,” I said.

  I felt like a child. Shoving my hand into my bag, I grabbed a tissue and wiped my eyes. Turning away, I went to walk to my car. I then felt his strong, vise-like grip on my shoulder, holding me there. I couldn’t move; it was as if I had turned to stone.

  “Please, don’t go, Beth. Let me help. Come on in and have a drink with me. I think you need one.”

  I turned back to face him. He smiled at me a little. I looked down at the ground. I couldn’t look into his eyes for too long; I might just get lost again.

  “OK,” I sighed.

  “Good.” He grinned.

  I walked through the hallway, and went to sit in the living room. Russell took my coat, and followed in after me.

  “OK, what would you like to drink?”

  “Um, what’ve you got?”

  “Anything you want.”

  “Have you got vodka?”

  “Yup.”

  “Then I’ll have vodka with a bit of orange juice, if you’ve got it please, Russell.”

  “Coming right up.” His smile was huge, and dazzling. He was such an attractive man.

  “Could you make it a large, please?”

  With the smile still on his face, he nodded in acknowledgement and walked in the direction of the kitchen. I looked round the room. They had done a good job at decorating. Everything was cream, with accent colours of fuchsia pink and chocolate brown. It was very stylish.

  Russell walked back in the room, with a drink in each hand.

  “Here you are.”

  He gave me the “over, half-full” orange drink.

  “Thanks.” I smiled back. “Cheers.”

  I drank it down in one.

  “Wow, that didn’t last long. Do you want another one?”