Betrayal Page 8

  I was gobsmacked. This wasn’t going to make anything better; this was going to make everything worse. Much, much worse.

  “No, no, no!” I cried.

  He looked confused.

  “What do you mean, ‘no’? I thought that was what you wanted.”

  “What I want is to keep my sister.” He went quiet. I realised that I had started getting louder. I took another mouthful of my drink. “I’m sorry, but when you said you wanted to meet, I didn’t think for one second you would have said that.”

  “But I mean it, Beth. I want to be with you.”

  “It doesn’t matter what you want or what I want. It can’t happen.”

  “I think that I love you, Beth.” Again, he managed to stop me in my tracks. I felt numb. I just sat there staring at him. He didn’t blink. His hands slid over the table to clasp mine. “I love you and I want to be with you forever, Beth.” My eyes glistened. A tear trickled down my cheek. He moved his left hand and wiped it away with his finger. “Please don’t reject me again.”

  I put my head down to look at the table. Grabbing my face in his hands, he lifted it up and moved a piece of hair away that had fallen.

  “I… I can’t, Russell. However much I want to, I just can’t.”

  “Beth, please…”

  “You don’t know how much I’ve longed to hear you say that. I’ve even dreamt about it.”

  “Well, now you’ve got it.”

  I wiped my eyes dry.

  “No, I haven’t! All I’ve got is a mess that I’m not strong enough to clear up. I’ve always thought, if only I had seen you first. But I didn’t. This isn’t meant to be.”

  He moved over to sit next to me. He pulled me into a tight embrace.

  “Don’t say that.”

  He took hold of my arms and turned me to face him. He cradled the back of my head and kissed me roughly. I melted around him as if I were made of chocolate. Then, releasing myself from his grip, I went to get up.

  “I’m sorry. It can’t happen. It won’t happen.” I got to my feet and stood tall. “Don’t contact me again. Please understand why I have to do this.”

  With a tear-stained face, I walked back to where my car was.

  I slumped on the sofa at home and cried. I think that was the hardest I’ve ever cried. I didn’t stop until I couldn’t cry any more, and then I just sat there.

  I must have fallen asleep, as the next thing I knew my doorbell was ringing. I jumped up so fast that I almost fell back down again. I didn’t know what the time was, but it was dark. Wondering who it was, I slowly opened the door. There, in the pouring rain, stood Jason. He looked like a drowned rat.

  “Hi, how are you?” he asked.

  The look on his face could only be described as sheepish. I really didn’t know if I could do this again, but I smiled sweetly.

  “I’m good, you?”

  He grinned.

  “I’m good, too. Can we talk?”

  I wasn’t sure, but this could be the thing to get my mind off Russell.

  “Yes.” He walked through to the living room. “So what do you want to talk about?” I asked.

  “Well, I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day. About not doing what I did, and how I would rather be with you than anybody else.”

  “Oh, right,” I said.

  This wasn’t really making much sense.

  Jason said, “I’m sorry. This is coming out all wrong. What I mean to say is, I’ve been thinking about you, and I have realised that I miss you. I’ll agree to whatever you say if we can start again.”

  I paused, so I could take it all in. Then I spoke. “So, what you’re telling me is that you won’t ever see that girl again.”

  “Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying. I miss you more than words can say, and I want you back.”

  He seemed genuine, and we did have fun before. Perhaps we could again.

  “Yes. OK, Jason.”

  “What? You will?!” Jumping up, off the sofa, he wrapped his arms around me. “Oh, thank you, Beth! I’m so glad; I was so worried that you would say no.”

  I hugged him back and we kissed. It was nice. It wasn’t Russell, but it was nice. I looked up at him and smiled.

  “So what do you want to do now?”

  “How about we go out and celebrate?” he said with his arms still tight around my waist.

  “OK, I’ll just go and freshen up a bit.” As I reapplied my makeup, I couldn’t get Russell out of my mind. What was I going to do if this feeling didn’t go away? What if I had to live with this forever? Always to be unhappy?

  Well, there was nothing I could do now. I’d made my bed. Walking down the stairs, I already had a smile plastered on my face. I was a fraud. Jason deserved better than this, but I was too chicken to let him go completely. I was too scared to be alone, which is all I deserved. “Come on then,” I said to him, “let’s go.” I grinned, took his arm and led him out of the door.

  Driving around the town, I glanced at him. “So where do you want to go, Jason?”

  “Anywhere. I don’t mind.”

  “How about the Black Pony? It’s normally quiet in there. We can talk better.”

  I said, “Cool.”

  After parking, we got out of the car and walked hand in hand to our destination. Walking through the doors, I knew we had made a mistake. It was packed! We shuffled in, and made our way to the bar. Eventually, we got there and ordered the drinks. There was nowhere to move, let alone sit. So we stayed where we were. “What have you been up to these passed few days, then, Jason?”

  Jason had to shout back over the room’s noise. “Nothing really, you?”

  “Just thinking about you,” I said loudly. I was dying inside, but I smiled. “No, honestly, I was. I know it sounds corny.”

  “That’s sweet.”

  The conversation went dry for a moment.

  “So… Um… What do you want to do tomorrow, Beth?”

  “Not sure, you?”

  “We could stay in, if you want?”

  “Yeah, we could rent a DVD.”

  “Yeah. That’ll be good,” I replied.

  I drank some of my drink. This was harder than I thought it was going to be. Then a voice came from over my shoulder that I recognised.

  “Beth! Jase!” It was Sam. She was out again. “What are you two doing here? Is it back on?”

  Maintaining my façade, I smiled my biggest smile and looked dewy-eyed at Jason.

  “Yep, we’re trying again,” I told Sam.

  Jason said, “I was being an idiot, and I missed your sister too much. So I went ’round there and asked for her forgiveness.”

  “That’s brilliant! I’m so glad. I did start to get worried about her. She was beginning to get really unhappy.”

  I stood there nodding and smiling while they chatted around me. I wasn’t in on the conversation. I had other things on my mind, still. To be honest, these were the two people I least wanted to be around right now. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why Sam was out again. She had Russell at home. All she ever did was go out.

  I was pulled back into the conversation when Jason asked if I wanted another drink.

  “Yeah. I’ll have the same again, please.”

  “Sam, do you want a drink?”

  “No, I’m OK, thanks. Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we go back to mine after? Russell’s home being miserable. This would be just the right tonic for him.” She looked at me and my heart suddenly raced in terror. “I haven’t really seen you in such a long time. I miss you.”

  Oh, God. I couldn’t say no, could I? Crap, what was I going to do now?

  I needn’t have worried as Jason answered for me.

  “Yes, why not? Come on, then; drink up.”

  Unfortunately, the car didn’t break down on the way there. I was praying for that, though. I pulled up outside of Sam’s house, and turned the engine off. Jason and Sam got out of the car. I took a deep breath and opened the car door. T
his was just typical of Sam! Of all the people to see, and all the plans to come out of her mouth.

  Walking in through their front door, I felt déjà vu. Sam walked through to the living room. I saw Russell. He looked at me and smiled. I returned the smile, then Russell looked behind me and saw Jason. His smile faded.

  “Look who I bumped into while I was out,” Sam said with a grin. “It’s all back on with them, isn’t it great?”

  “Yeah, great,” Russell said. He looked straight at me. I looked away. This was awful.

  “Sit down, sit down.” Sam was excited. She and Jason were the only ones who were, though. “What do you want to drink?”

  “I’ll have a beer,” Jason replied with a smile.

  Sam looked at me.

  “Just a coke will do, please. I’m driving.”

  Sam walked out of the room to get the drinks.

  “Is it OK if I can use your bathroom a minute?” Jason asked Russell.

  “Yeah, sure. It’s down the hall,” Russell replied. Jason got up, and walked out of the room. Russell didn’t waste a second before he said, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “With him!”

  “We’re trying again.”

  “But you don’t want him, you want me!”

  “Please don’t do this again, Russell. Not here.”

  “Then answer me, Beth: what are you playing at?”

  I’d had enough. I was sick of this.

  “We’re trying again, and that has nothing to do with you or anybody else for that matter! Like I said, leave me alone!”

  With that, I stormed out of the room and grabbed my coat. Sam came out of the kitchen.

  “What’s the matter, Beth?”

  “I’m sorry, Sam; I have to go. I’m tired. Tell Jason to stay here and enjoy the rest of the night. I’ll see him tomorrow, OK?”

  “Yes, Beth. ‘Night.”

  She kissed me and I slammed the door shut. I had to get out of there. All this was driving me mad. What was I going to do? I had to have breathing space. Russell and I had to get on with our different lives. We couldn’t be together.

  I drove around for a while. I couldn’t go home just yet. I needed to clear my head. After half an hour, I felt better. So I drove home. As I walked through the door, the house phone was ringing. I picked up the receiver.

  I answered. “Hello.”

  “Beth, it’s me. Please listen.”

  “No, Russell. Go away and leave me alone, please.”

  I slammed the phone down. This was getting out of hand. At this rate, Sam was going to find out. I sat in the darkened kitchen for a while, just thinking, when the doorbell rang. The only person it could be was Jason, so I went and answered the door. Swinging it open, I saw that I was wrong. There stood before me was Russell. Tall and lean, like I was in one of my dreams.

  “Beth, we need to talk.”

  “No, we don’t, Russell. Leave me alone. I’m with Jason now, so get on with your life with Sam.”

  Before I knew it, he had his arms around me, and I couldn’t move. Pulling me towards him, he moved his mouth to my ear and whispered to me.

  “We will be together, no matter how long it takes, and you know it.”

  He then moved his hand to the back of my head and pressed his lips against mine. His tongue was like a hot whip in my mouth. I couldn’t stop him. Then he moved away from me and was gone into the darkness outside the doorway.

  I was whole when he was with me and hollow when he was gone.

  As I went to close the door, I looked across the road and saw a figure walking around the corner. As he got closer, I strained my eyes so I could see who the dark shape was. Gradually, it dawned on me who I was looking at. To my horror, I realised it was Jason.

  CHAPTER 7

  I froze and couldn’t speak, but the closer Jason got to the house, the more I knew I had to say something. By the look on his face, he had seen what had just happened. Racking my brains was fruitless, as the more I tried to come up with an excuse, the more my brain turned to mush.

  Jason said, “Who was that you were with, just then?” I could tell he was eyeing me suspiciously.

  “Oh, it was just an old friend.” Oh my God! Now I was no better than Jason when he was caught kissing that friend of his.

  “Are you sure?” Jason asked.

  “Yes, of course I’m sure. What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were at Sam’s having a few drinks.” This was my feeble attempt at changing the subject.

  “I was, but when Sam said you went home rather sharpish, I wasn’t gonna stay, was I?”

  I squinted down at my watch, trying to see the time by the light of the streetlamp.

  “That was an hour and a half ago.”

  “This is the second time I’ve been ’round tonight, Beth.” Hearing this, I felt like a bit of an idiot. I’d forgotten that I’d been out for that amount of time. I looked up a little sheepishly at him. “When I came ‘round and you weren’t here, Beth, I got really worried!”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

  “Where were you anyway?” Concern filled his face.

  “I didn’t feel very well at all. So, instead of going straight home, I went for a drive. I didn’t mean to cause any worry.”

  He smiled and kissed my forehead.

  “That’s OK. Don’t do it again. So what did he want?”

  Jason moved his arm so that it was resting around my shoulders.

  “Who?”

  “Your long, lost friend.”

  “Oh… Um, he was drunk and he happened to spot me going into the house, that’s all.”

  “Oh, right.”

  I don’t think he really believed me, but he didn’t say anymore about it. The air was cool and the sky was filled with tiny twinkling stars. It was three in the morning and the road was deserted. I knew Jason was waiting for something, so with a sinking feeling, I turned on the charm.

  “So, do you want to come in?” I asked.

  Suddenly his eyes had a sparkle to them. My heart, on the other hand, had an opposite feeling, but I pushed it way, way down and we walked, hand in hand, into the house.

  Jason’s arms were strong around me. He started kissing my neck. I was in heaven. It was very dark all about us. It felt secretive; just him and me. There was no noise. It felt like the world was standing still. In the moonlight, which flowed through the window, you could see how smooth his skin was. So toned. Our bodies entangled like a mess of twigs. Sweat glistened on our skin. Heavy warm breath was on me. This should never end. I looked up at the lover sharing my bed. His dark chocolate eyes sparkled. The deep, attractive American accent…

  The sun must have hit a tiny crack in the curtains. When I opened my eyes, that was all I could see. I turned on my side to see Jason next to me in bed, his hand propping his head up as he gazed at me. To be honest, it creeped me out a little to have someone staring at me while I slept.

  “Hi, sleepy.” He smirked at me.

  “Hi.” I tried to sound enigmatic but it didn’t happen. I must only have sounded half asleep. To me, this relationship was getting harder and harder to keep up. Especially if I kept having dreams like I did last night. So, as normal, I smiled as sweetly as I could and kissed him.

  “So what are we doing today, sexy?” Jason asked.

  “Not sure. What do you want to do?”

  He sat up, yawned and stretched his arms over his head.

  “Let’s see how the day plays out.”

  Getting up, I pulled on my dressing gown and walked over to the window. Looking out, the sun was high in the sky and it felt as if it was going to be a good day.

  “Hey, would you mind if I went out with Meg today? I haven’t spoken to her in ages.”

  “Oh.” He looked dejected but I didn’t care. “I suppose so; I just thought that we could spend the day together.”

  “We can stay in tonight together, if you want?”

&n
bsp; His face still stayed the same, but he accepted his fate.

  “OK. When you’re out I’ll go and pick a DVD, for us to watch.”

  I barely heard him. I was out of the bedroom and going downstairs to ring Megan. Her line rang on the other end. It rang three times, then the phone was answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Meg, It’s me.”

  “Yeah, I know who you are! What can I do for you?” She sounded like she had got out on the wrong side of the bed today. I was used to her being like that, though.

  “I thought that we could catch up today, maybe?”

  When she spoke the second time, she sounded a little brighter.

  “Yeah, that sounds like a great plan, Beth. What do you wanna do?” I thought for a minute as I hadn’t actually got that far yet.

  “Um, I’m not sure. How about just some shopping and dinner somewhere?”

  “OK. In about an hour?”

  “I’ll pick you up,” I said.

  As I was getting ready, I kept noticing Jason was watching my every move. After about half an hour this started getting annoying.

  “Is there something wrong, Jason?” He looked like a rabbit caught in headlights.

  “No, why do you ask?”

  I placed my hands on my hips and said, “Well, you’ve been following me around the house for the past 30 minutes like a lost puppy.” He walked off. He might have been sulking, but I couldn’t have been sure.

  Getting out of the car at Meg’s felt like a breath of fresh air. For once, I felt free. It was great! Walking through her gate, I could see that she was by her front door.

  “Hi, Meg.” I smiled, and she automatically smiled back.

  “Hi, babe. It’s great to see you. What have you been up to?” Well, if she thought that I’d been doing anything fantastic, then she would be in for disappointment, I thought to myself.

  We got into the car and chatted as I drove. We were as excited as kids. This, finally, was what I’d been missing. We started shopping, going in our favourite shops first. It wasn’t even an hour into the shopping trip when my phone started ringing.

  “Hello, Jason. What’s wrong?

  “Nothing. I just wanted to see what you were up to, that’s all.”

  “Oh, right. Nothing. We’ve just got down here, really.”